In a culture that scorns dependence and exalts self-reliance, Levine and Heller make the argument for the Dependency Paradox—that the more effectively dependent people are on one another in their inner circle, the more independent and daring they become in the greater world. Or the opposite of Kanye’s central thesis in The Life of Pablo.
The basic premise of Attached is to challenge present-day thinking that dependence is weak and that mastering and controlling our emotions is strong. Not only is effective dependency healthy, but in a secure union, it actually makes the dependents more individually effective than they otherwise would have been on their own.
The book then covers the three most common attachment types—avoidant, anxious and secure—and how to form a secure union among people with different attachment types (hint: secure is best). Basic overview is that secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are warm and loving, anxious people crave intimacy and are preoccupied with their relationships, and avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness.
Best quote: People are only as needy as their unmet needs.